How to Cut Your Wedding Guest List: Rules That Work, Real Decline Rates and A/B Lists

To cut a wedding guest list, set one rule per group, such as no coworkers or no children, and apply it to everyone. Rules are easier to hold and easier to explain than judging people one at a time. Do not count on declines to fix the number, even though about one in five invited guests usually says no.

The reason to bother is simple. At The Knot's average of $292 per guest, removing 20 people saves about $5,840. Few other decisions in wedding planning are worth that much. You can test your own number in the wedding budget calculator.

First, find your real number

Before you cross out a single name, work out the limit. It is the smaller of two figures.

1. Your budget number. Budget for guest-related costs, divided by your cost per guest. If you have $25,000 and estimate $250 per guest, the number is 100.
2. Your venue number. Ask the venue manager for capacity with your layout. Zola notes listed numbers can be estimates, and a dance floor or head table takes up seats.

Then remember that you and your partner, your wedding party and all the partners and kids count. The Knot's average is 117 guests, while Zola's survey shows 145, so if you are in that range you are in good company.

What decline rates actually look like

There is no official national figure. Here is what we found, and each one measures something slightly different.

Note what these do not tell you. None of them counts people who actually walked in the door. Greenvelope states that it did not measure attendance, and its yes figure is a share of the people who replied, not of everyone invited. Multiply its two numbers and roughly 72% of invited guests gave a yes, though the rest may include people who only answered by phone or on a later chase.

Our planning range is 20 to 30% declines. Use the lower end for a local wedding with a close guest list, and the upper end for a guest list with lots of travel.

Your own rate will depend on a few things:

• Travel. Out-of-town guests decline more. This has the biggest effect.
• Timing. A holiday weekend or weekday date is harder for people.
• Closeness. Your college roommate is more likely to come than your parents' friends.
• Cost. Kids not invited, expensive hotels and flights all add up for guests.

Worked example

Your venue holds 120. You are thinking of inviting 150.

That is the problem with over-inviting. It works in the middle, but it fails at the top of the range. Our rule: do not send more invitations than your venue can hold, unless you have a plan for 100% yes. If a fire code is your limit, this rule is not negotiable. If you have a backup, such as a room with spare capacity, you can take a little more risk.

For budgeting, price the full invited list, then treat any declines as savings. Budgets break from surprise guests, as our wedding budget breakdown shows.

How to cut the list, group by group

Work through this order. Each step removes a group, so nobody has to feel singled out.

1. Sort everyone into three columns

Each of you, and any contributing parents, write a list. Then sort everyone into must-invite, would-like-to-invite and only-out-of-obligation. Zola suggests starting with people you cannot imagine the day without. Everyone in the third column should come off first.

2. Apply the group rules

Count how many names each rule removes from your own list. Pick the rule that does the most work, then apply it without exception. An exception for one coworker undoes the rule for all of them.

3. Use these questions for the people left over

Run each undecided name through these tests. Zola asks whether you would happily treat them to dinner, which is a good one. Here are three more.

• Have you spoken to them in the past year?
• Would you recognize their partner?
• If you bumped into them in five years, would you regret leaving them off?

If the answers are no, they are a cut, or at most a B list name.

4. Set a limit for each side

If family is the pressure point, give each set of parents a clear number. Base it on what you have to spare, or on what each contributed, if that is the agreement you have. Our guide on who pays for what covers how to talk about that, including what you do if a parent's money comes with a list of names.

5. Trim from the plus-ones first

A common rule is to give plus-ones to spouses, engaged couples, partners who live together and your wedding party. Zola cautions against a strict "no ring, no bring" rule, since many serious couples now wait longer to marry. Be generous to long-term partners.

How A/B lists work

An A list is everyone who gets a first-round invitation. A B list is people you would love to have, but who narrowly missed the cut. Zola describes it as people who do not get a save-the-date or a first-round invitation, and are invited if A-list guests decline.

It works, but only if you plan the timing.

1. Send the A list early. About 12 weeks before the wedding works, or sooner for a destination wedding.
2. Set the A list RSVP date eight weeks before the wedding.
3. Chase non-responders right away. Greenvelope's data suggests about one in nine invited guests never replies, so do not wait for them.
4. Send B invitations as declines arrive. Do it in batches, in order of priority, and stop at least six weeks before the wedding.
5. Print separate reply dates. A guest who receives a card with an RSVP date two weeks away will know what happened.

Do not send B list invitations to anyone close to your A list guests if word might get around. Coworkers talk, and so do cousins. If you would be embarrassed if the person found out, leave them off, or invite them from the start.

How to enforce the list

Cutting the list is one thing. Keeping it cut is the hard part.

Address envelopes by name. Zola suggests addressing envelopes only to invited guests, or printing the seat count on the RSVP card. "Maya Bell" means one seat. "Maya Bell and Guest" means two. An online RSVP can limit the count too.

Have a line ready. You do not owe anyone an explanation beyond a friendly one:

We wish we could invite everyone. We have had to keep it small because of the venue and the budget, and I hope you understand.

For a guest who asks to bring someone:

We would love to, but we are at capacity and have had to say no to everyone. I'm so sorry, and I can't wait to see you there.

For a family member pushing for names:

We hear you, and we know it matters. We have a number we have to stick to, and we are keeping it the same for both sides.

If someone is hurt that they were left off: say something kind and don't apologize for the decision. Offer to celebrate another way, such as dinner afterward.

Smaller is not worse. A shorter list means more time with each guest, a bigger share of the budget per person, and a smaller stack of thank you cards to write afterward. It also means less alcohol to buy, so update your numbers in our guide on how much alcohol you need once your RSVPs are in.